Category Archives: Motherhood

Mommy Emotions

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Ok, we can be friends.

So last night was a little rough. Zoey has been really fussy lately and I think it’s gas related. We’ve been in the same ol’ formula battle. Wondering if it’s the formula or if it’s a weak digestive track. It’s hard to tell. This morning she was pretty fussy but not too awful. This afternoon she was much better but at one point she just kept crying out while she was laying/sleeping in her bouncy chair and I finally just broke down bawling my eyes out.

I cried and bounced her and told her I just didn’t know what to do but that whenever she was hurting so was Mommy. I picked her up and held her close to me and kissed her and snuggled her and she eventually went to sleep, peacefully. While I was sitting there I realized my overflow of emotions was partially related to her being so fussy but also I was a little disappointed in myself. I set these high expectations of getting the house clean and making dinner and doing all of these wonderful things since I no longer had to work but I hadn’t been getting them done and felt like a huge failure. I realized at that moment that maybe my expectations were just a little too far out there for right now. That maybe, since I am only 3 weeks postpartum, I should stick with the small things I’ve been doing like laundry and dishes and of course, taking care of Zoey. I realized right now I just need to focus on Zoey and the rest can wait. We can eat sandwiches until I can get my stuff together and have time and patience to cook a real meal. After making this realization, I felt sooo much better and so much more at peace with everything. I then fed her and we took a lovely 2 hour nap in the bed together. She laid in my arms and we snoozed so peacefully. It couldn’t have been more perfect!

And since Mother’s Day is coming up soon and it is my first, I thought I’d comment on something that happened recently that totally made me feel like a real Mom. Yesterday we went to the mall and got our hair cut and I kept saying I needed to take a shower after we got home because I had little tidbits of hair all over me, which was in turn getting all over the baby and everything I touched. However, since I was so busy I never got around to taking one. The thing is, before we even left for the mall I was projectile vomited on by the sweet little angel baby. I mean, everywhere. And guess when I finally took a shower? Around 9 PM tonight, hah. Nice, right? I spent the entire day with projectile vomit residue all over my chest and tiny hair tidbits all over me and stinky armpits. And honestly, as I realized all of this, I just had to have a big ol’ smile because this is what motherhood is. And I am totally ok with that. It actually made me a little happy to know that I can finally relate to all of those mommies out there who talk about those sacred showers that seem to be so few and far between. I guess I’ve officially joined the Mommy’s club.

In non-Zoey related news, I would like to announce that my aunt had her baby yesterday morning! She was due the day before me but had been measuring a little ahead throughout her entire pregnancy. She had a beautiful baby girl weighing in at just over 8lbs and her name is Addisyn Ann. They live in Illinois so I am bummed that I can’t hold her or meet her yet but hopefully that time will come soon enough. I’m so happy for them!

Zoey’s Firsts: 4 Hours of Consecutive Sleep

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Hands Together

Last night we put Zoey down just after midnight and she didn’t wake me up until 4:10 AM! It was glorrrrious. I heard her fussing and hesitantly looked at the clock because it felt like I had only been asleep for an hour and when I saw it said 4:10 AM I had to refocus my eyes and look at it for another 30 seconds or so. I just could not believe it! What a good little girl. I know she was tired because she had been awake for a couple hours before we put her down. Or maybe it was because Daddy fed her and put her down. Maybe he has the magic touch? I may have to have him do that again tonight lol

Sometime in the next week or so I’d like to get a bed time routine going for us. I’d like to feed her, change her into her jammies and read to her at a specific time every night. At this point with her waking up every 2-3 hours to eat, it is a little difficult to come up with a very specific time to do all of this but I’d like to at least try to get something going so that later on down the line we’ll already have some kind of routine established. Also, I’m looking forward to getting my own routine down in the coming weeks. Gene is going back to work the week after next and I don’t think I’ll get any routines down good until he is officially back at work and I’m on my own.

Today Zoey went on her first trip to the mall. Gene and I went and got our hair cut this morning and then we walked the mall for a few hours. Had Subway for lunch and then headed home. We stopped and got some more Enfamil formula on our way back.. I really think this formula might be working out. Or at least I hope so. She still gets fussy when she can’t seem to poop. Trying to determine if her fussiness regarding this is normal or too much is what is really difficult. This is my first child and I just have no idea how these things work. A lot of this parenting stuff is instinct and I totally understand that, but there are just some things that aren’t instinct and I’m left wondering, is this normal or do I need to call the doctor? She isn’t screaming out but she gets fussy and grunts a lot like she’s trying to move her bowels. She is having enough wet and dirty diapers every day though, so I think everything is ok.

Amazingly, she is getting a little too big for her preemie clothes. The onesies are still fitting her pretty well but anything that has legs like sleepers are just too short for her. We’re having a little trouble getting her head through some of the onesies but as far as the body goes, they are still fitting her okay. I can’t believe she is growing so much! Gene and I are taking bets on her weight. She goes to the doctor on Tuesday for her 4 week check up. I’m saying 6lb 5oz and he is saying 6lb 9oz. She is definitely starting to get a tiny bit of chub on her thighs and arms.. It’s so cute and I want to munch on them all day long.

I don’t know what to say other than I am completely smitten with this little girl. I always have known my entire life that I wanted to have children and I wanted to be a mommy but there just aren’t words that can prepare you for the overwhelming love and adoration you can feel for your child. Getting up in the middle of the night is not a problem at all. Knowing that I get to see her beautiful eyes and hold her close to me again is all it takes to motivate me to get out of bed. Sometimes it’s hard to get up at first but I know I have a job, one single job at that moment and that is to nourish and love my child.

And seeing her with her Daddy? It is sometimes almost too much for my heart to take. Nothing makes me happier. I am so happy. I have been SO happy these last 3 weeks. Happier than I can even begin to explain.

Anyway, I am gonna go sit with hubby. He’s been glued to the tv. Sci Fi is having a trek-a-thon :D I’ve been watching as I’ve been getting things done. Pumping, dishes, laundry, posting pictures, writing this, etc. It feels good to be productive and get things done around here. I’m looking forward to when my “6 week postpartum” check up is and I get the all clear to lift heavy things and vacuum and clean again. I hate feeling like I have limitations. Er.. anyway like I was saying, I’m gonna go sit with Gene until it’s time for the munchkin to get up and eat again. I’m hoping she’ll get up around 11 PM again so she can go down by around midnight. I’m rooting for another good night of sleep but I wont get my hopes up or anything.

Postpartum Hormones rearing it’s ugly head!

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Sleepy Zoey

So after our good weight check appointment yesterday, Zoey decided she didn’t want to eat well. Actually, I think maybe she had a bit of an upset tummy. At her evening feed, she projectile vomited an entire bottle! Poor little girl. Over the night we fed her smaller amounts and she hasn’t gotten sick since then. I felt so bad for her that it brought me to tears. I know my postpartum hormones aren’t helping with that but I’m noticing I am a lot easier moved to tears than before. At our first doctor’s appointment last Monday, everyone was doting about how adorable she was and even that alone was making me all teary eyed.

Last night was a little bit rough for me. I was really, really exhausted and was having a hard time being up and taking care of Zoey. Luckily I got Gene up both times she was up to help me out. I noticed that when I got up the second time, I wasn’t feeling well at all. My head was pounding and I felt kind of dizzy. Maybe that had something to do with it?

Doing well here today. Just got a shower and feeling GREAT after that. Gene is taking such wonderful care of both of us and I am going to be so sad when he has to go back to work. I’m trying not to think about it and hope that time slows down a little bit.

I tried to sleep in our bed for my afternoon nap today and it was wonderful to sleep on my side again! However, when I got up, it was still really uncomfortable so it looks like we’re going to stay camped out in our living room for the time being. Whenever I get up from the bed, it feels like a really sore “ball” (I’m guessing this is my uterus) is floating around inside of me and it hurts when it moves around. I think once that heals up some more, it will be a lot easier.

Well, time to figure out what we’re doing for dinner. This morning I had toast with orange juice and it was amazingly! And then for lunch we had leftover pizza from last week.

Birth Story: Coming Soon

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Zoey's Big Beautiful Smile

I promise I am going to work on writing up the birth story soon. I want to get it typed up before I forget anything. I have a very large tendency to do such a thing lately. I put an empty carton of milk back into the fridge. Oops.

Right now I am really struggling with keeping up in the online world. Gene and I have been uploading pictures to my Flickr account and I’ve received such nice and touching comments from people, I just can’t seem to find the time to go and reply to each one. I looked at my Google Reader this evening and there were 269 unread items. I quickly shut the browser tab and I think my mind ran for it’s life.

I know once routines are in place I will have time to keep up with everything but until then, I am having to put certain things on the back burner.

Zoey was 5lb 5oz at birth and by the 2nd day, she had lost 5oz and was down to 5lb. We started formula and she quickly gained 2oz. Today at the doctor’s office she was back down to 5lbs. We’re on a strict 2 hour feeding schedule now. When the kitchen timer goes off, Gene gets a bottle and feeds her, changes her diaper and puts her back down. I pump for 20 minutes and then we set the timer for 2 hours again. Rinse and repeat! So far it is working out well.

My milk is NOT cooperating. Sometimes I can barely get 1oz total from both breasts in a pump session and other times I may not even get 1/2 an oz. It’s so frustrating because I want her to only have breast milk. I can’t get her to latch on for the life of me. It is really discouraging but I am going to keep on keepin’ on and hopefully it will work out eventually.