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This month has flown by. I really cannot believe Christmas is on Friday. How does that happen?

This hasn’t been a very happy month. On Monday night our Carbon Monoxide detector went off around 2 AM or so. It was reading about 50. Gene would crack the door and the number would go down to zero. He’d close it and the heater would kick back on and it would go off and read 50. We cranked the heater way down so that it wouldn’t kick on and went back to bed. First thing Tuesday I began calling around to find someone to come look at our furnace. Someone came by to look at it, found some pretty bad cracks in the heat exchanger and gave me an estimate for around 4 mortgage payments to replace the furnace. We stayed the night at my parent’s house since the temps were going to dip down into the 20s that night. They came out the next morning at 10 AM and by 8 PM that night we had heat again. Spending that much money right now was not on our list of things to do, well, EVER honestly.. but what can you do? I am just thankful that we had a carbon monoxide detector and that we are ALIVE. Especially Zoey. A reading of 50 on a CM detector is HIGH for an infant :(

My mom’s dog (who is only 8) stopped eating a few weeks ago. He had been going to the vet to figure out what is going on. They thought it was a bad tooth and pulled 3 bad teeth and he still would not eat or get better. Finally took him to a specialty hospital where they did exploratory surgery and found a peach pit lodged in his intestines. They took it out, cut 4 inches of his intestines out and sewed him back up. He was doing well but needed a transfusion. Somehow over night last night he went down hill.. The infection spread into his stomach and blood stream and his entire body was septic. They put him down this morning. We got him as a little puppy back when I was still living at home. He was always a little sh*t dog.. but we loved him for that. He had personality and was a cuddle buddy to me when I lived there and to my sister after I moved out of the house. I don’t know what it is but whenever I think about him not being there any more, my heart feels heavy and my stomach drops. I am beyond sad about this and finding it hard to put my feelings into words :(

Things can only get better right? I mean, in the last 1 1/2 years my Grandma passed, my Grandpa passed and now my “brother dog” passed. Zoey has been our little ray of sunshine through all of the sadness we’ve experienced and we’re really hoping that things can only look up from here. Hopefully we can all laugh about all of the crazy things Toby used to do and remember what a sweet dog he was while still enjoying Christmas this year. It’s Zoey’s first, after all.

Candy :: Dec.19.2009 :: Family, Holidays, Tragedy :: 3 Comments »

My back has flared up again. I am having trouble doing every day things but I am trying to get by. There are moments through the day where I feel hopeless and down in the dumps but luckily those are few and far between. I try to keep my spirits up and am trying to take care of myself. Trying to eat less and get some walks in whenever the weather isn’t too cold. I know losing some weight will make me feel better so I am starting that journey.

We took Z to a new pediatrician today. I liked my old one but just didn’t feel like we were getting enough time and attention in the appointments. I actually took her to my pediatrician! The same guy that I saw from birth to about 18 years old when they finally kicked me out and told me I was too old to be seeing a pediatrician. We introduced Z to him and they gave her the other half of her seasonal flu shot. All in all, it was an excellent appointment! She’ll go back next month for the other half of her N1H1 vaccine and then we’ll see them again in January for her 9 month well baby check up.

Z is doing wonderful. She is such a fun and happy baby. Always smiling and laughing. The only time she ever cries is if she gets too hungry or when we put her down for naps or to bed at night. She has learned at a very early age that going to bed is For The Birds. She will usually fall asleep pretty quickly after putting her down. She also still needs a pacifier when going down for naps and bed which kind of bothers me but we still have a few more months before we really need to start the weaning process.

Oh and one new thing is that Z looooves cheerios or puffs. I’ve been giving her the puffs but I realized I could just as easily (and much much cheaper) give her Cheerios! She is still working on her coordination to get them into her mouth so only a few ever actually make it to her mouth (lucky Emma gets all the goodies that fall from the high chair!) which causes the OCD in me to kick in and start hand feeding them to her. I know she needs to learn and I try to stop myself from doing it but I wont lie, sometimes I just can’t help myself.

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving!! I am really excited for Thanksgiving dinner and just spending time at my parent’s house. I’ll be honest, when I first moved out of the house and into an apartment with Gene, it didn’t feel like “home.” I still felt like I wanted to be at my parent’s house a lot. Don’t get me wrong, I loved being able to share a life with him but I just didn’t have that warm home feeling that I did at my parent’s house. So anyway, give or take 5ish years later and I really feel like our home is “home.” I think the day that happened was the day that we bought this house. And I actually like being at my house. I like everything about it and I really feel like THIS is home now. But I also love going back to my parent’s house and hanging out there because in the bottom of my heart, that will always be home.

On that note, I’ll leave you with a picture of my little peanut. Doncha just love her cloth diaper? Too cute to put pants over!

Candy :: Nov.25.2009 :: Baby Food, Family, Health, Zoey, Zoey's Firsts :: 3 Comments »

It’s nearly 2 AM and I finally dragged myself out of bed after 2 hours of unsuccessfully trying to fall asleep. Between my left hip aching and burning and my mind wandering, I just can’t seem to drift off. I stopped a really bad nail biting habit 3 years ago and somehow in the last 2 hours, I managed to bite off and really, completely demolish the nail on my right thumb. It stings and typing is only making it worse. But what else am I to do? Everyone is asleep and I am sipping on some chocolate milk in hopes that my blood sugar will skyrocket and send me off into dreamland.

Tonight my heart is heavy. While I was laying in bed, trying to take my mind off of the pain in my left hip, I started to think about Grandma and Grandpa. I started to think of all of the holidays ahead and how even though Grandma wasn’t with us last year, we at least had Grandpa. And this year? They are both gone. And I’m wondering how my heart will be able to handle it? I guess with it being Z’s first Christmas, it will help lighten the mood a little. I mean, it’s the circle of life, right? So she is just starting the next round. But it’s hard to teach your heart to remember but not dwell.

I never wrote a tribute to Grandpa. Not on paper (or computer, however you want to look at it. Who uses paper these days?) anyway. I’ve written about a thousand of them in my head, late at night when I can’t fall asleep. I’ve told him how much I love him, I’ve talked about all of the great times I had with him as a kid and even as an adult, I’ve spoken of what a fantastic man he was and I’ve written things like “When I think about how I will never get to see his face again my heart feels like it is being suffocated with plastic wrap” or “If you could see the way Grandpa smiled at his Grandkids, your heart would explode with love.” But I haven’t typed it up and formed coherent sentences. Why? I don’t know. I’ve tried. I’ve come here time and time again and I just can’t get it out like I was able to with Grandma. Like I said before, my relationships with Grandma and Grandpa were different. They were both special in their own ways. I guess this one is just hard to articulate?

There are some things about Grandpa that I am going to miss the most and here are a few:

• How he used to always say “Boy, you sure are windy” whenever I would blabber on and on about any and everything when I was a kid. I’m so sad that Zoey will never get to experience this signature phrase of his.
• How he would click his tongue and pinch my sides to make me giggle.
• How much he loves his Grandkids (& Great Grandkid!). He could be in the grumpiest of moods but when he saw his Grandkids playing, you could always catch him smiling.
• Our fishing trips! We did a lot of fishing together, just Grandpa and I, when I was a kid and those are some of my best memories!
• Popcorn! Grandpa made the best air popcorn with REAL butter. He would then cut down a paper sack and make me a little “bowl” for my popcorn.
• There is obviously a lot more. I could go on and on.

You know, when you are a kid you don’t really think much about death. You may know about it, you may have ideas about where we go after we die, but you don’t really think too much about it. When you’re a kid, you don’t question your or anyone else’s mortality. In a kid’s eyes, your parents, your grandparents, your friends and the people you love will live forever.

And as naive as it sounds, I was completely devastated when my Grandma passed away because all of this time, I thought my Grandma and Grandpa would live forever. And even after Grandma died, I never really thought about Grandpa dying. I guess it’s just your mind’s way of coping with things. To just kind of put those negative icky-death thoughts on the back burner. Because if we lived fearing death every day, what kind of life would that be?? Not living at all, I’d imagine.

So, in conclusion, I hereby suggest that we start a Grandparents Immortality rally. Because I think Grandparents make life sweeter. They help create memories for children all around the world. They love like no other. So we should keep ‘em around, ya know? Who’s with me?

And just one last tidbit.. Here are a few things that I do in my life to help keep the memory of my Grandma & Grandpa alive:

• I toss a jug of water and tea bags out into the warm afternoon sun on a summer afternoon because my Grandma always had sun tea brewing!
• I use crocheted dish cloths to wash my dishes because my Grandma always had one draped over her sink.
• I use old vintage pyrex dishes to mix up recipes because my Grandma always had one out on her counter in the kitchen when she was cooking or baking.
• I make Gumdrop cookies from time to time because my Grandma always had some made for me whenever I came to visit because she knew how much I loved them!
• I sit on my back patio with my daughter in the metal chairs that used to reside in my Grandparent’s back yard. Listening to the wind blow in the trees, just like I used to do at my Grandparent’s house. Life can move so much faster in a big city, so it’s nice to take time to relax and slow down from time to time.

Candy :: Oct.06.2009 :: Family :: 1 Comment »

These two… I just cannot get enough of them. They totally turn my world upside down. And when they’re together? My heart just melts into a gigantic puddle at my feet and I sometimes have to work extra hard to catch my breath. Love is an understatement.

And this beautiful little girl that you see right here? She makes this mama the happiest and most proud mama ever on a daily basis. I love her like you can’t believe (unless you are a mama, then I’m sure you know what I’m talking about) and I don’t even know how I got along before she was in my life.

And this innocent looking pooch? She follows us around the house all day and likes to sneak Z kisses in when I turn my head. She sleeps in front of the crib when Z naps and loves to be near us at all times.

This guy? I think he might be slightly depressed. He is a little more lazy than he used to be pre-baby but I think he is sad that he is no longer the baby of the family. He sleeps all day and doesn’t come out of the room until 4 or 5 PM. He likes to sniff Z but really could care less about her. He smells bad but somehow we love him.

That’s my family. And I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Now, we are done paying bills and Z is in bed, so I am going to go crack open a cold one (Bud Light Lime = YECK! Don’t EVER buy this crap! I much prefer a Corona with a REAL lime in it.) and watch Margaret Cho’s new stand up special. She makes me laugh and that is exactly what I need!

Candy :: Jul.31.2009 :: Family, Love, Zoey :: 2 Comments »

A quick list before my little peanut wakes up.

• Grandpa’s funeral was beautiful. I finally got to grieve for him on Friday. Missing him a lot.
• Zoey had another screaming spell last night for a good 2-3 hours. It was rough. I’m taking her to the doctor today. We ended up giving her a suppository and she was able to go poop and feel better.
• We were out of town for an entire week and boy it feels good to be back home.
• It is emotionally exhausting having to clean out Grandma & Grandpa’s house. It’s like you’re throwing away or giving away so many memories. It’s hard not to take absolutely everything for the sole purpose of remembrance. It feels like closing a huge chapter of my life :(
• Going back there to pick up furniture in a couple of weeks.
• Gene and I are going to California to visit his parents the first week of September. I’m soo excited!

I’ll write more later. I wanna do a tribute to Grandpa. And I need to download pictures off of the camera. Just give me a week.. or two.. or a few months.

Candy :: Jul.07.2009 :: Baby, Family, Lists, Zoey :: 1 Comment »

Bath time is quickly becoming a fun, fun time for us. Zoey is beginning to enjoy baths a lot more than she did before. She still loathes having her hair washed but we usually save that for last. She absolutely despises having her face washed and having water poured on her face. She’ll understand the importance of washing her face sometime when she hits about 15 or 16 years old.

Gene has given her the last couple of baths. I think bath time is a good time for Daddy and baby to bond. I took some pictures over the weekend when Gene gave her a bath and I got a half-grin out of her. She is becoming so much more fun now that she is smiling and you can really tell she sees us. She is following our movements and focusing on our faces and objects. Sometimes Astro will be standing near by and she will be looking up at him from her bouncy seat and when he walks around her eyes follow him.

This morning he was standing above her and dipped his head down and was sniffing her face. She was just staring wide eyed at him and when he was sniffing her really close she just started giving him these big, wide grins and smiles. It was sooo adorable! I wish I could have my camera ready and just take pictures of every single moment like that.

Well, I haven’t talked about it much because I haven’t even really had time to grieve or let it set in but my Grandpa passed away on Saturday afternoon. I’m rushing around this morning, packing and trying to get our things ready so when Gene gets home from work we can get out of here. We’re driving up to Miami, OK and the funeral is tomorrow morning. I wanna stay the whole week but Gene needs to be at work. I may come home Wednesday and then go back on Friday evening and stay the rest of the weekend. Not sure yet, though. Grandpa was in so much pain and I am sooo glad that he is no longer hurting. It’s not fair for him to be in pain like he was. It shouldn’t have to be that way. I’m hoping to write up tribute to Grandpa like I did to Grandma in August. My relationship with my Grandpa was very different than the one I had with Grandma. I’ll touch on that later, though.

Candy :: Jun.29.2009 :: Baby, Family, Zoey :: 2 Comments »

Zoey went down about 20 minutes ago. She ate a good 5 1/2 to 6 oz so I’m hoping she’ll sleep for a while. Of course, I am wide awake. I’m sleepy but I feel wired so I don’t think I’d be able to sleep, even if I tried. Looks like I’m going to be napping with the baby tomorrow.

I was going to mention a couple of things quickly without going into too much detail. My Mom and Dad are leaving for Florida tomorrow. It’s a work related trip for my Dad but they wont be back until Wednesday and I think it is mostly just for leisure. The work part is mostly an excuse. I’m really happy that my Mom is getting to go because this is the first time she’ll have been on a plane in about 16-18 years and also the first real “vacation” she has been on with my Dad. They never even had a honeymoon!

Also, my Grandpa is still in the hospital. Not sure what all is going on with that but he’s not doing really great. So if you pray, please pray for him and if all you do is think happy thoughts, please send some telepathically to him. Anything is appreciated at this point.

I really want to write up a post going into detail about our cloth diaper adventure. It has been so great and I just love them so much. The first day was difficult. There was a lot of “doubt” in the first day of it. But I knew I just needed to stick with it and it would get easier with time and I can’t believe how easy it’s been so far. Plus, I knew I had already invested quite a bit of cash into the whole thing and would be sorely disappointed if I didn’t stick with it. I’ll try to write one up tomorrow about it all. I know, my blog is SO interesting. Gag.

As far as Zoey goes, she is 7 weeks old as of Tuesday and doing so wonderful. Her tummy is finally settling well and she is doing GREAT on her new formula. She’s been on Earth’s Best Organic for over 2 weeks now and she no longer seems to have many tummy troubles. Today I was goo-gooing and gaa-gaaing and giggling and making some pretty ridiculous noises at her and she gave me the biggest and longest smile I’ve seen yet! It about killed me it was so adorable. I don’t think I’ve felt my heart swell that much since the day she was born. I love this kid to pieces. I can’t even believe that she is mine sometimes. It feels too good to be true!

Candy :: Jun.03.2009 :: Baby, Daily, Family, Zoey :: 3 Comments »