Losing a little one
A very good friend of mine is starting out the new year in a way that no one should ever have to. Her 8 month old nephew was found not breathing during his nap time at daycare yesterday. The staff tried CPR and called an ambulance. He was unable to breathe on his own so he was put on a ventilator and the doctors thought there was some brain damage but he wasn’t completely brain dead.
Well, this morning I got word that he was declared brain dead this morning. They just finished their final tests a little while ago and declared that there is nothing they can do to save poor baby Max. This is especially hard for them because my friend also has a 8 month old son. They’re sisters, they’re very close and they just happened to get pregnant at the same time. I hope baby Wyatt can bring her sister some joy through the years but I know at first it will be so difficult to be around him because it will bring back memories of Max.
Either way, this has hit me soo hard. I cannot stop crying. I can’t stop picturing this happening to us, to my little baby Zoey. I mourn the loss for their family. I cry because my heart aches for a Mama who just lost her little baby. I cry for a Grandmama who just lost a grandchild and for an Aunt who just lost a nephew. I cry for a little sister who just lost her baby brother and probably can’t fully understand the extent of the situation.
Last night around 5 AM Zoey’s Angel Care baby monitor went off (a baby monitor that monitors breathing). I have NEVER jumped up out of bed and ran as fast as I did last night. I was scared to DEATH. I got into Zoey’s room and her leg was hanging out of her crib.. I tucked her leg back in and straightened her up.. Checked her breathing.. Kissed her and stood there for a few minutes to make sure her breathing was normal. This was the first “false alarm” with this baby monitor that we’ve had in maybe 4 months. GREAT timing, let me tell you. It took me a long time to fall asleep after that because my mind was racing and I was laying in bed crying, thinking of poor Max and just hoping there would be a miracle and he would make it through this.
Tonight I am giving my little girl a thousand more kisses than usual. I’ll hold her a little tighter. I’ll think of Max and try to make sense of this whole thing.
January 5th, 2010 at 5:55 pm
My babies have always slept next to me. In fact, Ethan and Maddie still sleep next to me. For a number of reasons, it’s easier for us (especially with breastfeeding Maddie still) and space issues to name just a few. But also, because I know I’d be a nervous wreck if we were seperated. I still check on them before I go to sleep to make sure they’re breathing. Even Jayden, if he sleeps too long in the morning, I’ll peek in his room to check on him. I don’t think that fear ever goes away.
January 6th, 2010 at 2:05 pm
My heart aches for Max and his family. :(
January 10th, 2010 at 10:01 pm
[...] I started thinking about Fran, Micah, Dani and poor little Max. Max (who I previously wrote about here) was laid to rest today and they were on my mind all day. I started crying right there in Walmart, [...]