I am ready for this pregnancy to be over with. Not because I’m extremely uncomfortable or just unhappy being pregnant. Mainly because I am sick of worrying constantly about this Gestational Diabetes thing. I’m tired of the way the doctor treats me and I’m tired of constantly wondering if my baby is even going to survive. I’m not constantly in a really negative frame of mind. It comes and goes. I’ve actually been in a really positive frame of mind for the last month or two and it has been wonderful.
My doctor has scheduled me to go for Non Stress Tests twice weekly until I deliver. I’m a little annoyed by this because as of my last ultrasound nothing was wrong with the baby so I don’t understand why I have to go this often. Also, these things are going to cost us out the wazoo! Yes, I have insurance but insurance will only cover so much. And going twice a week adds up fast! Now, don’t get me wrong, I have no problem spending money if it is going to affect the well being of our child but what I do have a problem is going to do these tests without knowing why. It makes me feel like my doctor is just trying to make some money.
Either way, after talking to my OBGYN’s office today I’ve felt really down in the dumps. I’ve tried to cheer myself up but all I can do is worry. Constant worrying about whether my baby is going to be okay. I guess I am finally to the point where I just want her out of me and in my arms so that I know she is okay. So that I can see her and feel her and know for sure that she is okay. Only then will I truly feel like everything has worked out and all is well.
A lot of women really like my OBGYN. We’ve looked her up online and found great reviews about her. I’m wondering if maybe I’m just having a bad experience because I am overweight and I have GD. No one has EVER explained to us why we need to have these NST tests done and why so frequently. No one has discussed the possibility of an early induction, though today when talking to her nurse she mentioned I would be induced between 38 and 39 weeks? Oh really? Why was this NEVER discussed with me but somehow they already have a plan? This is the kind of crap that just annoys me.
Anyway, so today I am really grumpy. My mom took me and my sister out to lunch and it was really nice. It was good to see them and just be us girls. I thought that would do the trick but it hasn’t. I just want to go home and go on a walk with Gene. And I want to clean my house. And that’s all. I may even try to upload some nursery pictures this evening. I want to feel productive and like I have something to be happy about. I know I have a LOT to be thankful for but when you start feeling down in the dumps, it is really easy to overlook those things.
All this boils down to me worrying about little Zoey. I just want her to be okay and healthy.